


its like if hard cider had a really pissed off one eyed grandma who sat on the front proch drunk all the time holdin a rifle spittign a logn stream of chewing tobaccco into a hollowewed out skull

by itsdave



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Meteorstuck, Multi, Retcon Timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:28:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22972513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave
Summary: Dave gets drunk.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 43
Kudos: 287





	its like if hard cider had a really pissed off one eyed grandma who sat on the front proch drunk all the time holdin a rifle spittign a logn stream of chewing tobaccco into a hollowewed out skull

turntechGodhead [TG] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]  


TG: karkat  
TG: karkat  
TG: KARKAT  
CG: WHAT?  
TG: heyyyy  
TG: there he is  
CG: HERE I AM.  
CG: WHAT IS IT?  
TG: how are you  
CG: ...  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK?  
TG: come on dude whats up  
TG: hows it goin  
TG: how are you  
TG: hows your day  
CG: I’M FINE, DAVE.  
CG: UM.  
CG: HOW ARE YOU?  
TG: cool now ask me how i am  
TG: oh wait  
TG: fuck  
TG: hahahaha whoops  
TG: you alraedy did  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: I DID.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON DAVE?  
TG: ask me again  
CG: WHAT?  
TG: cmon the magics lost its like a milloin lines up there now its not even on the screen anymore it has for all intents and purposses ceased to be  
TG: so jsut ask me again well get a good call and response type deal goin  
CG: ...  
CG: HOW ARE YOU, DAVE?  
TG: ive had a brealkthrough  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK?  
CG: THAT’S NOT EVEN A “HOW.”  
TG: yeah sure it is  
TG: im like the fuckin kool aid man up in here  
TG: just bustin down brick walls left and right  
TG: all in my big baggy jean shrots and unbuttoned shirt they slapped on me in the late 90s  
TG: cuz somebody reliazed it was kinda weird to have this big giant naked dude slammin through walls into rooms full of children  
TG: yellin out ohhhhhh yeahhhhh at an eihgt year olds bday party completely in the nude  
TG: just imagine that boardroom meetting  
TG: where fuckin veronica from it says wait a mintute you guys have we really thouhgt this trhough like what kinda message are we actually trying to spraed with our fruity drinks  
TG: we alrady got hit hella hard with that whole cult siucide thing  
TG: like our brand has literlally become SYNOMYNOUS WIth mass cult suiucdie  
TG: and by some fuckin mirarcle were still afloat people are still buyin our shit  
TG: we can NOT tempt fate here this is the kind of ssecond chance you do not usuaually get this is onec in a lifetime shit here  
TG: we gotta be careful  
TG: and i think as our first step like right off the bat we should proably be slappin some pants on our mascot before he crashes into one more roomful of exited chidlren  
TG: thats just my take at least  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON, DAVE?  
CG: WHAT DOES ANY OF THIS SHIT MEAN?  
TG: it means thats how i am karkat  
CG: ??  
TG: im like the post pants kool aid man  
CG: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LIKE THE POST PANTS KOOL AID MAN?  
TG: becuase rose and i  
TG: have discoverered  
TG: dumumdudmudmudm  
TG: ^drurumroll  
CG: ...  
TG: appletinis  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?  
TG: ok its not real appletinies i dont know what the fuck goes in one of those and im not sure were equiped for that kind of alchemmy  
TG: this is technicaly just some old apple juice i made last year and forgot abuot  
TG: that went bad  
TG: but it went so bad it went good  
TG: like it went really really raelly good  
TG: if you know what i mean  
TG: just went all the way the fuck aruond like that snake  
CG: WHAT SNAKE?  
TG: cmon dud eyou know the snake  
TG: the orubos  
TG: oruboros  
TG: ororoborors  
TG: ahahaha holy fuck that last one was so wrong holly shit  
CG: OUROBOROS?  
TG: no that doesnt look right either whot eh fuck knows en who cares  
TG: dude im pretty coinvinced thats nto actualy a word at all  
TG: whyd you even bring that up  
CG: I DIDN’T!  
TG: naw you know what its like  
TG: its like  
TG: its like if hard cider had a baby  
TG: and that baby was a total alcoholic  
CG: WAIT  
CG: OH MY GOD  
CG: DAVE  
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING DRUNK?  
TG: yep bingo karkat you know me so well oh my god dude youre like the dave whispererer  
CG: HOLD ON.  
CG: YOU’RE TELLING ME...  
CG: YOU GOT DRUNK ON OLD JUICE?  
TG: that appears to be the current situation yeah thats it in a nutshell  
CG: THAT CAN HAPPEN?  
CG: THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.  
CG: IT’S JUST JUICE!  
TG: dude  
TG: karkat  
TG: bb  
TG: boo  
TG: love of my life  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK  
TG: dude can we just liek  
TG: apprecaite for once that we are litereal aliens to each other  
TG: i watcheded you get wasted on soda once dude  
CG: OH MY GOD, THAT.  
TG: and by watched i mean nursed your cute litl butt back to health  
CG: NO YOU FUCKING DIDN’T!  
TG: yep thats how it went down  
TG: and it was adoooorable  
TG: i took one look at your sticky nasty face and said htis is it  
TG: this is the boy im gonna have a sexaulity crisis for  
TG: and enter a weird unnamable interpspecies cross dimensoinal love fest with  
CG: JESUS CHRIST.  
TG: the lvoe that dare not speak its name  
TG: mostly just cuz we have different words for it and shits confusing as all shit  
CG: HAHA  
TG: i love you karkat  
CG: OH MY GOD  
CG: I LOVE YOU TOO YOU FUCKING IDIOT.  
TG: you told me you loved me when you were drunk but i didnt say it back and anyways we were just friends then so it was like just a friend lvoe i probaly should have said it then theres nothing wrong with firnds lving each other  
CG: THAT’S OK, DAVE.  
TG: but now i can say it  
TG: cuz youre my boyspirit  
CG: YOUR WHAT?  
TG: **boysprit  
TG: its a portmandtaueu  
CG: OH.  
CG: YEP.  
CG: I GET IT.  
TG: do you lov eme  
CG: YEAH I DO.  
CG: I ALREADY FUCKING TOLD YOU I DID.  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: i love you too man!  
CG: HAHAHA  
CG: GOOD.  
CG: IS ROSE THERE?  
TG: yep shes makin another round  
TG: of apletinies  
CG: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP CALLING THEM THAT?  
CG: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?  
TG: oh well its mostly just jiuce  
TG: but we wanted to b fancy  
TG: so we made little paper umberellas  
TG: and stuck em in there  
TG: and viola  
TG: apletinis mothertrucker!  
CG: WELL OK THEN.  
TG: yeppp  
CG: HOW MANY OF THESE APPLETHINGS HAVE YOU HAD?  
TG: um  
TG: 2  
TG: ayyy her ecomes 3  
TG: god damn  
TG: karkat  
TG: i love appeltimis  
TG: dont worry i love you more dont get jealous its ok youre still numero 1  
CG: HOW FUCKING BIG ARE THESE THINGS?  
TG: fjfahsul  
CG: ?  
TG: They’re not thaaaat big.  
TG: But I think I may have......  
TG: Overesstimated.  
CG: IS THIS ROSE?  
TG: Yes it is hello Karkat.  
TG: How did you know it's me I’m writing in red.  
CG: BECAUSE I’VE NEVER SEEN DAVE USE AN APOSTROPHE IN HIS FUCKING LIFE.  
TG: The most secret color.  
TG: Oh.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU OVERESTIMATE?  
TG: The gin.  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GIN?  
TG: fafahm,  
TG: its like if hard cider had a really pissed off one eyed grandma who sat on the front proch drunk all the time holdin a rifle spittign a logn stream of chewing tobaccco into a hollowewed out skull  
CG: HI DAVE.  
TG: hiiiiiiiii  
CG: WELCOME BACK.  
CG: THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THIS THING I DON’T UNDERSTAND EXCLUSIVELY IN TERMS OF HUMAN FAMILY RELATIONS, ANOTHER THING I DON’T HAVE ANY FUCKING CONTEXT FOR.  
TG: oh no ims orry dude  
TG: you know i always try to be cutulrally senstitive  
TG: i dont wanna make hyou feel weird  
TG: all you gotta know is we kicked this aj up a notch on our way to appletinitowon  
TG: like emeril lagasi  
TG: we were hitchin our way to apletinniopolis  
TG: and nobody was fuckin pickin us up  
TG: we were like in the dessert at one of those sad ass dirt crossroads where therse no cars for miles just fast trucks that blaast their horns at hyou as they go past way too fast  
TG: we had fiven up all hope  
TG: but then this slick as shit limmo stopped in front of us  
TG: and th e window rolled down  
TG: an it was fuckin emeral leagasi  
TG: an he said bam im not dead and niether is your whole planet  
TG: but you already knew that cuz youre stadnin on it at this dusty ass crossroads which symbolisazes all sad hitschikin experiences on earth  
TG: which is still around btw  
TG: hwo about i give you kids a ride to apletinim city  
TG: and we cheerd and we hi fived and we got in the limo  
TG: and emberil gave us another bam just for good measure  
TG: just cuz hes a good guy thats just how he rolls  
TG: and thast how we got so drunk  
CG: WOW.  
CG: THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE, DAVE.  
TG: it means we added more booooze  
CG: OK.  
CG: THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE, ACTUALLY.  
TG: yeah!  
TG: what are you gusy doin  
TG: for your troll day  
CG: WE’RE NOT GETTING SHIT ASS DRUNK IF THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE ASKING.  
CG: WE’RE HAVING A GOOD TIME, ACTUALLY.  
TG: niiiice  
CG: NOW I’M WORRIED WE’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO COME BABYSIT YOUR DRUNK ASSES.  
TG: what noooo  
TG: were fine karkat  
TG: what the fuck are we gonnda do  
TG: drive  
TG: make out  
TG: thats my sister dude grosss  
CG: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO FUCKING SAID IT, DAVE!  
TG: grooooooooooooooooooss  
CG: I DON’T KNOW  
CG: YOU COULD FUCKING  
CG: FALL DOWN THE STAIRS OR SOMETHING.  
TG: ohhhh my god dude are you warrning me about the stairs right now bro im so proud i love you sooo fuckign mcuh  
CG: HAHAHA  
TG: anyway naw were not goin near the stairs i knwo that lessno i fuckin wROTE THat lesson i am that lesons AURTHOUR  
TG: WERe just chillin here on the couch  
TG: drinkin our apleitnays  
TG: partaking of some fine human cuisinse  
TG: its cococpuffs  
TG: it tastes really bad with the apletimis actually  
CG: I BET.  
TG: and were reminising bout the good old days  
TG: and sharin the hot goss  
CG: OH NO.  
CG: WHAT HOT GOSS?  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DAVE?  
TG: dont you worry bout it  
TG: your prety lil head  
TG: your pretty litl horns  
TG: dont even wrory  
TG: youre not allowed even  
TG: this is human biz only  
CG: I AM SO FUCKING WORRIED DAVE.  
TG: dont even tell me you an kanana arent gossipin the hottest goss about us  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
CG: KANANA?  
TG: hahahahaha  
TG: whooooooops  
CG: I’M FUCKING TELLING HER YOU CALLED HER THAT.  
TG: like banana  
TG: oh noooo  
TG: you cant karkat no  
TG: wait  
TG: oh shit oh yes  
TG: tell her rose did it thatll be so great do that  
CG: HAHAHA!  
TG: are you guys gossinpin abuot us  
CG: NO.  
CG: ...  
CG: MAYBE A LITTLE.  
TG: fuuuuuuckin naaaaaailed it  
TG: i bet you guys are just lougnin around pollinsing your horns and gossipig and eating all the bugs  
CG: ...  
CG: WE *ARE* EATING BUGS.  
TG: yesss i knew it im on a rollllll  
CG: HAHAHA!  
TG: are you eating all the bugssss  
CG: WE ARE EATING ALL THE BUGS.  
CG: SINCE YOU UNCIVILIZED FUCKERS DON’T LIKE THEM.  
TG: whaaat  
TG: i like them  
CG: NO YOU DON’T, DAVE.  
TG: im gettin gused to them  
TG: i eat tehm  
TG: sometimes  
TG: roes says she doestnt lieke them  
TG: but not to tell kanaya  
TG: shhhhh  
CG: OH REALLY?  
TG: uiiujij  
TG: Karkat please don’t share that pieces of informatoin.  
TG: Kanaya does not need to know that please don’t tell her Karkat please okay?  
CG: SHE’S RIGHT FUCKING HERE WITH ME, ROSE.  
CG: WE’RE BOTH READING THIS SHITSHOW TOGETHER.  
TG: Oh nooooooo  
CG: THIS IS SHAPING UP TO BE ONE HELL OF A TROLL DAY.  
CG: BEST TROLL DAY EVER.  
TG: TEll her I’m sorry and they’re not acutally that bad !  
CG: Rose I Wish Youd Told Me You Didnt Like The Bugs  
TG: Oh noooo  
CG: We Could Have Avoided A Lot Of Grief  
CG: And I Would Have Felt Much More Comfortable Admitting Something To You  
TG: Oh no waht is it Kanaya please tell me I cna handle it you can tell me anything you can trsut me/  
CG: Okay  
CG: Rose  
CG: Im Sorry But...  
TG: ????????????/  
CG: I Dont Particularly Like Earl Grey Tea  
TG: Whaaat?  
CG: Its True  
CG: Im Sorry Rose  
CG: ...  
CG: Its Terrible  
CG: Its So Terrible  
TG: That’s okay Kanaya!  
TG: It’s okay I swaer!  
CG: Oh Good  
TG: I’m so gald you told me this Kanaua I’m not even angry at you I want you to trust me with theses kidnsf of thigns it is important we are honest with each other  
CG: Thank You Rose I Feel The Same Way  
CG: This Was Actually Pretty Cathartic  
TG: i  
TG: iojoj  
TG: ayy kanaya i like the bugs  
TG: tell karkat i like the bugs  
TG: or just put him back on i wanna tell him myself  
CG: You Already Told Him Dave  
CG: He Knows  
CG: Hes Nodding Right Now  
TG: he is??  
CG: Yes  
CG: Im Watching Him Nod As We Type  
CG: Hes Nodding Very Solemnly  
TG: awwww i bet  
CG: To Signify How Much He Knows  
TG: oh tahts so great i can see it  
CG: That You Like The Bugs  
TG: in my midns eye  
TG: i doooo  
TG: i am totally winming the matespirit off  
CG: The What  
TG: im beating rose  
TG: shes so pissed off right now  
TG: becuase she knows  
TG: that she lost  
TG: she is hella salty  
TG: tell karkat i won kanaya  
TG: pleases  
TG: tell him that i won  
TG: and hehas the best maatespiritfrined ever  
TG: its me  
CG: CONGRATULATIONS, DAVE.  
TG: karkat!  
TG: its you i can tell its you  
CG: IT’S ME.  
TG: with all the catipals  
CG: SO YOU AND ROSE ARE HAVING A COMPETITION?  
TG: what do you mean  
CG: TO SEE WHO’S THE BEST “maatespiritfrined”  
TG: no we already had it and i won  
TG: thats old news karkat  
TG: get with the timesss  
CG: HAHAHA!  
TG: come on dude dont petrend you gusy arent doing the exat same thingover there  
TG: all tryna prove whos the best at earth shit  
TG: like all like  
TG: naming pressidents  
TG: and like  
TG: the rules fo football  
CG: NEITHER YOU NOR ROSE KNOWS A SINGLE FUCKING RULE OF EARTH FOOTBALL, DAVE.  
CG: I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF KANAYA AND I SOMEHOW HAVE YOU BOTH BEAT ON THAT FUCKING FRONT.  
TG: ok maaaybe  
TG: but  
TG: presidnests  
TG: i got this shit  
TG: you got fuckin  
TG: goerge washington  
TG: washington carver  
TG: washignton irving  
TG: ummm  
TG: mmmmmmmmmm  
CG: ...  
CG: OBAMA?  
TG: fhdahajk  
TG: oh my god  
TG: oh my god holly shit  
TG: holly fucking shit hw did i forgret obama  
TG: fucking obabma  
TG: jfc  
TG: karkat  
TG: i think im druinerk than i thorhgt  
CG: OH YEAH?  
TG: yeah i cant fuckign beleive i fucking forgort obama  
CG: HOW’S THAT THIRD APPLETHINGY?  
TG: um  
TG: its gone  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
TG: roses says she remebmerd obama  
TG: so shes not as druhnk  
TG: but i donono  
TG: i didnt hear her sayshit til you didso i dont think we can trust her  
TG: afaji  
TG: John Adams  
TG: Thomas Jeferson  
TG: James Madison  
TG: Jaes monroe  
TG: Jonh Quincy Adams  
TG: Andres Jakcnson  
TG: Martni Vanbureren  
TG: afkjlma  
TG: rose is so fucking drunk dude shes just tyhping nonsnense  
CG: DAVE.  
CG: I’VE NEVER BEEN MORE SURE IN MY LIFE THAT I’M LOOKING AT A LIST OF EARTH PRESIDENTS.  
TG: earth presidents oh my god due  
CG: WHAT?  
TG: i lvoe you so mh  
CG: I LOVE YOU TOO, DAVE.  
CG: TRY TO SLOW DOWN A LITTLE BIT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.  
CG: EAT SOME OF YOUR GROSS COCO PUFFS.  
TG: noooo  
CG: OK, BUT CONSIDER THIS COUNTER ARGUMENT:  
CG: YESSSSSSS  
TG: they go so bad with the appleinis  
TG: its like  
TG: its like applels an cholocate are doni this forbidden dance togeter  
TG: tehy gotta get all the moves just rirhgt like tehy gotta rehearse the choroeography every singel day  
TG: gotta show up at the rec center every night like even if theyre tired even if they had a hard day at the ofice  
TG: tehy gotta show up anhd put the work in with this dacne crwe  
TG: the dance crew is called the frobidden frutis  
CG: I’M SURE IT IS.  
TG: yeah so thewy goota practice so hards karkst tehy need this routine to be PERFECT  
TG: OR ELSE ITS GOnna look stupid as shit at teh big dance expo theyhre goona get luaghed outta there and chocolate ornge is just gonna win again like they alwsay do every yaer  
TG: they sdont even do a dance they sjut saunter thier asses in and plunk a terrys choclate orange on the judges table actually they have like three thats oen for each judge and tehy always have some extars to hand out to the auidicen in these beatuiful tasteful arrangeents where theyh split alll the segments up and put them in these amazing spiralls and patterns  
TG: an they pass tehm arond the bleachers everybodsy like holhy shit ths is beautiful i dont even wanna eat this ill jujst distrub this amanzign work of plate art  
TG: but they cant even hlp themsevles in the end cuz its just so tasty  
TG: so they eat all thoes edible arrangements (tm of choclate orange segments and everybody cheers and hifives and theres so much love in the air  
TG: and theyre all ike why do we even pretend this is a dance cometition  
TG: all we do is eat choclate anywayh  
TG: adn then chocolat orange is crowned the winner like awlays  
TG: and chocolate aplple doesnt even get to do their dnace they worked so fuckign hard on  
TG: its actualy incredbly sad karkat  
TG: except thier dance really did suck  
TG: so its proalbly for the best  
CG: OH MY GOD DAVE.  
CG: THAT WAS...  
CG: SOMEHOW EVEN LESS COHERENT THAN YOUR USUAL SHIT.  
TG: what noooooo  
CG: AND I LIKE TO THINK I’VE GOTTEN PRETTY FUCKING GOOD AT INTERPRETING.  
TG: look karjat its so easy  
TG: all im saying is  
TG: these coco puffs taste like hot shit on a ripe day  
CG: OH.  
CG: OK.  
CG: WELL CAN YOU DRINK SOME WATER, THEN?  
TG: bluuuuh  
TG: its so faaar  
CG: COME ON DAVE.  
CG: YOU HAVE THREE MORE HOURS LEFT OF HUMAN DAY.  
CG: WE DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO SCRAPE YOU TWO OFF THE FLOOR.  
TG: boooooo  
CG: I GUESS WE MIGHT HAVE TO FUCKING DO THAT ANYWAY.  
TG: noooo were gonna be good karkat  
TG: im driknin so much water up in this btich  
CG: GOOD.  
TG: you wont have to scarep shit  
CG: OH NO?  
TG: nopp  
TG: were gonna be so sober dude you have no idae  
CG: OH YEAH?  
TG: yeaaah  
CG: WE’LL SEE.  
CG: GIVE ROSE SOME TOO.  
TG: im tryin  
CG: OK. GOOD.  
CG: YOU SURE YOU’RE GONNA BE OK?  
TG: oh yeah so sure  
TG: we are gonan be so responsbible karkat i promies  
CG: OK.  
CG: EAT YOUR FUCKING COCO PUFFS, DAVE.  
CG: I LOVE YOU.  
TG: awww i love you too dude i love you so muhc  
CG: Dave Can You Put Rose On For A Minute Please  
TG: uh  
TG: no  
CG: No?  
TG: no i cant kanaya  
TG: wait this is kanahya right this isnt just karkat goofin  
CG: No This Is Kanaya  
TG: ok phew thught so but you enver know karkat has got some goooofs up his sleev  
CG: Im Sure He Does  
CG: But This Is Actually Kanaya  
CG: Why Exactly Cant I Talk To Rose  
TG: why cant you  
CG: ...  
CG: Thats What Im Asking  
TG: oh right hahahahaha  
TG: kanayay  
TG: rose cant come to the phoen right now  
TG: shes asleep dude hoh man she is out COLD  
TG: IM KINDA KICKIN HER A LIL BIT SHES GETITIN PISsed off but lik e not enought o actually open hwer esys shes just kinda kcikin back with her esye shut she is never gonna hit me liek this her aim is suhc shit  
TG: how bad do you wana tlak to her kanayh should i kick her harder  
CG: No Thats Alright  
CG: Please Dont Kick Her Harder Dave  
TG: i totlaly can if you want  
CG: I Dont Want  
TG: okaaay  
TG: doyou want me to delvier a message  
TG: i could like  
TG: whipser it in herear  
TG: mabye shell hear it and dream it thatsd be pfetty fuckign cool  
TG: im totlally gonna do tha t  
TG: whats your mrssage plaese  
CG: Um  
CG: My Message Is For Her To Get A Good Rest  
CG: And That Ill Be There Shortly  
TG: okkk please stand by  
TG: ok i todl her  
TG: she didnt say anythign back but i think its jsut because shes asleep kaanya dont take it perosnally she wloud if she wcould she is liek super into you she she was fivin me all the hottt gossss  
CG: Oh  
CG: Oh Well  
CG: Um  
CG: DAVE SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH YOUR HOT GOSS.  
CG: NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW!  
TG: im sroy karkat i cnat tell you the hot goss that is a private mater and a huge bertrayal of rsoses trust nice try dude  
CG: SIGH.  
CG: ARE YOU JUST ALONE AND DRUNK NOW, DAVE?  
TG: im not allone rose is here  
TG: imean shes passed the fuck out but sehs shtill here in abig way  
TG: human daaaaaay  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
CG: SIGH.  
CG: OK, WE’RE GONNA COME GET YOU.  
TG: niiice!  
CG: YOU’RE IN THE TV BLOCK, RIGHT?  
TG: yepppp  
TG: come onnn down to hunam day  
TG: its ok if youre hnot a huan we do not discrimintae based on speceies age gender planet racee sexual orientttation or veteran statsu  
TG: we will gonna make you a a fuckn apeltenie  
CG: THANK YOU DAVE.  
TG: no questsion asked  
CG: THAT SOUNDS GREAT.  
CG: WE’LL BE THERE SOON.  
TG: awesom!!  
TG: i cant wait  
TG: krkat  
TG: kakrat  
TG: karatak  
TG: kratkark  
CG: OH MY GOD DAVE, HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY SPELL MY NAME *THAT* WRONG?  
TG: carcat  
TG: 🚗 🐶  
TG: wait  
TG: fuck  
TG: hold on  
CG: OK.  
TG: 🚗 🐱  
TG: ohhh shit wait  
TG: i got it  
TG: i got i t  
CG: OH YEAH?  
TG: 🚗 😻  
CG: HAHAHAHAHA!  
TG: kartkat  
CG: YES DAVE?  
TG: i lvoe you d ude  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
CG: I’LL SEE YOU IN FIVE MINUTES.  
TG: niiiiiiiice  
CG: TRY NOT TO FALL DOWN ANY STAIRS.  
TG: 😻 😻 🐶😻  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  



End file.
